youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
