he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
