I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
