so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my being single is dangerous.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
