if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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