It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
