dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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