Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
