Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
