we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
