Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
