if you like me you must not know who I am
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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