So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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