I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
