Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
