I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
