I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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