Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
