Welp...herpes.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
