OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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