We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
