Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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