I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
