guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
