they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
