I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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