ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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