from now on my penis is your penis
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
