1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I believe in your delicious
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
