You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
