I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
