Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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