i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's the barista slut.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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