Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
