five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
