dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
