And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
