there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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