She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
