The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
