I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
