dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
