i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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