we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
