Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
