You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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