brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
