shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
