could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
