I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
