That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
