Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
