I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
