Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
