she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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